Album Review: John Legend-Get Lifted (3.5/5 Pimpslaps)

"Come on and gooooooooooo with me/there's something new for you to see...."

Those words are the beginning of the intro to John Legend's debut album, Get Lifted. It's amazing the irony in those words considering how every critic is touting him as bringing something so new to the table...

...when really, its the same cold hamurger, fries, and red Kool-aid that you had yesterday.

I wasn't going to review this album, but a magazine that I respect, VIBE, (and quite possibly may never be able to work/write for after this) had the nerve to not only call this mediocre ass album a classic...they had the nerve to only give a short short explanation as to why it is a classic album. Quite frankly, I'm hurt and slightly pissed.

[***DISCLAIMER: What I'm about to say may seem harsh. Well, its intended that way, bitch, because I believe its important to drive the point home on this. This may hurt your feelings, and you may feel compelled to jump out of a window and kill yourself. If that is the case, well that's just too got damn bad isn't it. Kiss my ass, man up, and calm the fuck down...you know what I'm about to say is true!***]

John Legend basically released Carl Thomas' third solo CD.

*gasp*

I know, I know...it hurts. You can go ahead and take a second to recuperate. I myself need a few minutes.

*smoke break*

You know, John Legend is being hailed as the male version of Alicia Keys. I don't think thats fair. Legend's CD is actually listenable all the way through whereas Alicia Keys albums fuckin' suck and I usually have to take breaks to stop myself from attempting suicide because I spent another gotdamn $11.99 on her. The only real comparison comes in the fact that they both play piano. This brings about a question...if his album and talent are so great, why not compare him to somebody like say...D'Angelo, or Maxwell, or one of the "greats". I mean he made a classic album right???? So what's the problem with making those comparisons???

That's easy. They wouldn't hold water. Carl Thomas is the most appropriate comparison here.

Once again, I know it hurts.

You want proof? Let's talk proof. Is this a good ALBUM??? Yes and no. Yes musically, but conceptually it is lacking something and it is also lacking consistent thought. See, this album has the same problem that Carl Thomas albums have. He hasn't quite figured out how to grab both the young urban youths that like Lil Wayne and the old heads that prefer Stevie Wonder on the same song, though Carl Thomas is BETTER at it than John Legend. Now one might say that it can't be done. To that I say, pish tosh. He has done it on this album on a few songs. For instance, "She Don't Have to Know" straddles the line between urban and contemporary like Halle Berry over Billy Bob Thornton in Monster's Ball.

*shudder*

This is as good a time as anywhere to bring this up. The music on this album is good on damn near every song. Or G.O.O.D., rather. I mean, Kanye is backing this cat. And no matter your personal feelings about Kanye, the dude knows good music, and he knows how to create good music. At this point, I don't think he's going to put his name onto anything that is garbage. With that in mind, the problem doesn't tend to be on the actual music/beat side. It's more the songwriting and the inconsistency in the way he tries to reach all the audiences. Basically, he fuckin' sucks at it. I see you looking at me like, what the hell are you talking about??

Well, take "Number One" for instance. Is the music on this song good? Hell yeah. It's great picnic music until you listen to the words and realize this dude is basically trying to explain to his girl that its hard work to cheat on his girl, but she shouldn't leave him for that. I mean, really, she's his number one bitch. She CAN'T leave after hearing that, can she???? How can she throw it all away, I mean, he won't do it again...he said it last time that this is the last time...but no more!!! She's his number one bitch! Umm...John can I ask you a question??? I've seen you duke....this aint you, is it, homie? Kanye, yes...but John. No. That's the problem with this song, and say a song like, "Alright", they get the Kanye treatment. They are chock full of Kanye-type lyrics, just in R&B form. They just aren't believable from a guy who not only looks like Mighty Mouse, but has songs like "Stay With You" who professes how much he loves his woman and will do to make sure she knows he's there for her...a much more sincere sounding track.

You know, now that I think about it, apparently John Legend is a bit of a jackass. So maybe Kanye was on to something. There seems to be a strange undertone on this album. One of cheating ("She Don't Have to Know", "Number One", "Alright"). And then convincing you that he's done cheating ("Stay With You", "I Can Change"). Apparently, Mr. Legend has a problem keeping his peder in his pants.

Of course, if you only listen to the more contemporary songs like "Refuge", "Ordinary People (which is getting its own section)", or "It Don't Have to Change", or "Live It Up", you'd hear the songs that make you wonder where the street oriented songs like "Number One" come from. These songs seem to be geared more to the folks you'd expect to buy this album. Wait, who's that??? You know the 20-30 somethings that like good music and don't want to hear about all that "Bump Bump Bump" or what's going on at the hotel. The folks that just want to hear non-rap related music that basically has some kind of meaning. And I'm not saying that it isn't possible to do both...the problem is, they seem to butt heads on this album. The song's where he's shooting for Lil Wayne fans seem a little forced and don't seem like John Legend at all. Once again, they seem like Kanye was preparing songs for his rap album and said, forget it...let's make these R&B songs. Basically, if Kanye was singing them it would make clear and perfect sense...but he's not...so they are a gotdamn mess.

And worse than that...nothing is even new. He's talking about the same shit everybody else has talked about. Same shit, different album.

I see you looking at me like, "Well if its good music, what does it matter if its inconsistent or isn't treading new ground?? Hell Tupac was a walking contradiction."

Hmm...good point. But not good enough bitch and I didn't rate the gotdamn album a classic. Tupac was a rapper who was very confused about himself sometimes, and yet very sure of himself at other times. In short, art reflected life in the fact that Tupac would take 15 minutes and write a song. John Legend has been working on these songs for a while. Which means that his end product is exactly how he wanted it...which means that he's trying to make these songs as opposed to the natural confict that Tupac was putting down in his music in 15 minutes. What does that mean??? Tupac real and honest...John Legend contrived on those songs where he's trying to reach the "urban" audience.

So how the hell is this album a classic??? Is it a good album??? Yes, but it has it's problems through and through. And hell it isn't even that memorable. I myself can't remember what songs 10-14 sound like after the album goes off. So why is this album a classic then??? Well, the reason its being called a classic lies right here...the song...

"Ordinary People."

Yes, one song is the reason why this album is being touted as a classic as opposed to the 3rd album by Carl Thomas.

[***Sidenote: Carl Thomas, as opposed to John Legend, has a problem making his meaningful songs sound, real. I mean really, wasn't "Emotional" the most pussy song you've ever heard in life??? You almost hope that it wasn't really Carl and that some pussy ass negro crawled up inside him and wrote that song hoping that chicks would love it. "Sensitivity" it wasn't. Awww shuga noooo nooo nooooo....***]

One got damn song is the reason this album is being hailed. Newsflash bitches. One song does not a classic make! Is this a great song...hell yes. One of the best songs I've heard in years. It's the perfect mesh of piano and vocal arrangement with excellent songwriting. Its kind of a bare soul intimate performance piece where Legend explains how nobody's perfect. It's perfect in its simplicity the way that acoustic guitar performances seem perfect. It is in short...

...a classic song. People might be talking about this song 10 years from now. Nobody will be talking about this album the way they'll be talking about Jodeci's Diary of a Mad Band album, or D'Angelo's Brown Sugar, or even Maxwell's Urban Hang Suite.

They'll talk about that song. And that my friends, is why this album isn't a classic...but just a good album.

You may die now.